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Christmas, Retailers, And The Santa Claus Conspiracy

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Well it looks like it's that time of year again, when colourful
lights are hung on trees, families spend time together, and retailers swim
naked through their money. You guessed it, I'm talking about Christmas,
one of the many holidays that have lost their meaning to commercialization.
Forget the memory of Jesus Christ, now's the time to pay homage to the
almighty buck.
Nowadays when someone thinks of Christmas or Easter the idea of
Christianity is one of the last to come into their mind (although I don't
think it could have been made much easier -- "Christ"ianity, "Christ"mas -
- what kind of minds are we dealing with?). It's far more likely that
their first thoughts will be about buying the perfect gifts, having the
most eye-damaging house decorations on the block, or having a hairy old fat
man in red underwear arrested for putting their child on his lap and
whispering to them to tell him what they "really" want (strangely enough
there are some parents out there who actually pay money each year to have
this abuse inflicted upon their children).
The whole idea of Santa Claus is one of the scariest I've come
across and yet we embrace it. The entire story sounds like something you
should threaten your kid with if he doesn't want to eat his veggies. As I
understand it he's supposed to be a fat man wearing red underwear who is
capable of sliding down your chimney unharmed in order to quietly slip into
your house while you're sleeping. If he really existed I'd be sitting up
with a loaded shotgun every Christmas Eve, not dreaming of gifts while this
lunatic could be slicing the throats of everyone in my house! And to add
to the horror he is said to use "elves" to manufacture "toys" in a little
"workshop" in the North Pole. This entire elf story sounds like a
softening cover-up fed to us as propaganda. The truth of the matter is
there's a Mafia hitman out there named Santa the Claw who runs a sweatshop
using illegal child labour to manufacture products in a remote location
where he can't be easily apprehended; or so that's what my skills of
deductive reasoning tell me. So why the cover-up? Simple. The retailers,
businessmen, and all the other bad people are all in on it since they
realized long ago the amount of money they could make by marketing the
"Santa Claus" idea. So like everything about ...

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